Love, Courage, and Cancer: 10 Ways to Show You Care
“Stay positive; everything will be alright. Let me know if you need anything!”
RAISE your hand if you have ever said this to a loved one going through cancer treatment and then struggled to find what “anything” actually means. I heard this from many people. Some genuinely meant it, and others leaned on this safe, cliche response for lack of better words.
The truth is that cancer makes conversations hard. We become speechless, not out of indifference, but because of fear, discomfort, or lack of experience. We don’t want to say anything wrong, so we avoid saying anything meaningful. Add to this the myth perpetuated by movies and stories — that a positive attitude alone is enough to fight cancer — and it’s easy to see why so many of us feel stuck. Fictional and non-fictional heroic movies have painted a picture that for a cancer patient, staying positive is a magic pill. We have started to believe that by maintaining good faith in the almighty, science, or voodoo, one can somehow kill the free-floating mutant genes in their body. A good attitude is just one of the several outcomes of a state machine. Although an excellent physiological state can affect the overall prognosis, many parameters affect this zen state.
Cancer changes life in ways that go far beyond the illness itself. Through my journey and countless hours of reading, I’ve learned that real support means meeting practical and emotional needs. A review of over 2,500 studies highlights three main areas where people living with cancer often need help:
Managing their treatment and symptoms.
Support with everyday tasks like cooking or cleaning.
Maintaining a sense of who they are beyond the diagnosis.
Among these, patients frequently mentioned needing help with nutrition – something simple yet vital to their well-being. Meeting these needs isn’t just about lending a hand but showing care and helping them feel seen and supported. So, how can we step up and make a real difference? Here are ten ways you can make a meaningful difference:
Helping with Nutrition: Chemotherapy wreaks havoc on the body, and a healthy diet can make treatment more tolerable. Cooking for your loved one can be a game-changer! If you cannot cook, sending a basket of berries is a healthy alternative. In today’s world, we also have the privilege of signing someone one of the meal delivery kits like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh. Having one’s meal planned out during the treatment is a truly blissful experience. As someone who used to cook during treatment, I can assure you that having my mom around and enjoying her delicious cuisine has been a blessing. I have more energy, and I get the rest. Plus, I get time to write blogs like this that give me a creative outlet, keeping me calm and happy!
Visit them or Organize a Virtual Get-Together: Human beings have always looked for a reason to feel like they “belong” to a community. Anthropologically speaking, “belongingness” is a fundamental psychological need. After a cancer diagnosis, one starts to feel “isolated.” Fatigue and nausea are real and serious side effects of chemotherapy, and sometimes, “these are so severe that palliative care has to step in to alleviate the patient’s quality of life. Going out and making plans with friends can be daunting; what if nausea takes over or we have an unexpected episode of diarrhea? It is possible that we might be on the Neulasta or Nplate injections, and our bones are throbbing with pain. Although painkillers and anti-nausea meds will keep me at ease, watching a movie with a friend while chilling in their home can be delightful. Try to be that friend. Maybe take your friend on a beautiful drive; being outside in nature can be a real mood booster.
Help them with appointments and transport: Driving to and from appointments can be exhausting, especially for someone undergoing treatment. You can help by offering to drive them, scheduling a ride, or gifting Uber cards. I had borrowed at least a few hu hi Chindred dollars from my husband to pay for my daily Uber rides from Framingham to Boston as I was working in a limited capacity, which meant I was getting paid partially, too.
Help find Financial Aid: Cancer treatments are a significant economic burden. Although medical insurance covers most, only some have the best medical insurance. In such cases, you can help your friend or family member by finding the available financial aid. Wall Street Journal published an article in 2024 highlighting how cancer treatment capsized Americans’ finances. Today, more and more younger groups are diagnosed with cancer, and these working individuals work in partial capacity during treatment or stop working altogether, which affects their income. ’he reduced or missing paycheck results in accrued debt via payday or mounting credit card bills. Statistically, these individuals could report hardships in more significant percentages than other adults. Apart from treatment, money is spent on parking fees, fuel, lodging, in-home assistance, dog walkers, dependent care, child care, counseling, therapy, etc. The expenses are endless, but the channel of income is not. However, several grants, state aid, and national aid are available, with the caveat of verbose documentation. You can make a difference by assisting your friend in this research; there are many options — SSDI, SSI, Pink Fund, HealthWell Foundation, and others.
Physical Respite: Fatigue from chemotherapy can be crushing. I have spent many days just sleeping on my bed because chemotherapy made me feel like I got hit by a truck. Sometimes, I felt like - I was living in a rented body almost on the verge of withering away. Along with fatigue comes the unsettling nausea, together these two monsters make nutrition a challenge further adding to the difficulties. One of my primary concerns during chemotherapy was taking care of my puppy, a work dog like Kai needs rigorous exercise. When I was in remission, I would walk six miles with him every day, but it has been impossible to walk him during my treatment. On the days I woke up early to walk him, I had too many dizzy spells on the walk. Luckily, I had my sister take care of him, and on other days, I got help from the local dog walkers. If I had a friend in the city to walk him, I would have saved thousands of dollars. So, if your friend has a puppy, offer to walk them. Or you could also help to vacuum their house once in a while or babysit for them. The options are endless if you are looking to help.
Curate their Entertainment: Cancer treatment involves much waiting—at the hospital, during infusions, or in recovery. I have created close to ten playlists, read ten books, filled many pages of my journal, and educated myself through various audiobooks because I was bored in all these places. You can help your bored friends by creating playlists to keep them entertained or curating a list of feel-good movies for them.
Try Breathing Exercises/Yoga/Walking Together: During my first round of chemotherapy in 2023, I was frustrated with the constant fatigue. From running 5–8 miles daily to hardly walking 1.5 miles, I felt like a stranger in my own body. I tried to eat as much as I could, but oxaliplatin – the platinum-based drug made my life difficult. I felt like somebody had unplugged the power source of my body. When I reported this to my visiting doctor, he told me- “You know the body in rest continues to be in rest unless acted upon by an external force, that is inertia or Newton’s first law of motion.” He encouraged me to walk as much as possible without completely exhausting myself and also advice me on including weight training at least twice weekly. I have tried to adhere to this routine, and I have been able to tolerate my treatment better. I take fewer unplanned holidays at work and feel better overall – which is the most important thing. With that being said you can help your friend by giving them a company on their walk, it could boost their morale. You could also offer to join some trial yoga classes in person or virtual classes if they are immunocompromised.
Educate Yourself: Educating yourself about your friend’s cancer shows that you care deeply and are committed to supporting them in meaningful ways. It helps you understand their experience, anticipate their needs, and engage in thoughtful, informed cofriend'sons without adding to their emotional burden. By learning from reliable sources, you can offer practical support – like bringing meals suited to their treatment or suggesting low-energy activities – while avoiding unintentionally hurtful remarks. Ultimately, your effort to understand strengthens your bond and reminds them they’re not alone in their journey. My mom keeps looking into adding anti-inflammatory food to my diet, and today, my friend suggested the wim hop technique. All these small suggestions help me stay positive and make me feel like I have a strong support system.
Send a Care Package: When words fall short and distance separate, a care package becomes a tangible expression of love and support. A small box filled with comfort, encouragement, and hope feels like a warm hug on a cold winter evening. When my friends sent me care packages, I felt like these cute, comforting gifts were like their tangible hugs. I wore the neckpiece my friend sent me from Germany and blushed when the nurse complimented it. When I used the socks my friend sent from Canada, I felt warm and fuzzy on my feet. This small gesture goes a long way, especially if, like me, your friends' love language is ‘gifts’ or flowers : )
Don’t disappear: The most important thing you can do for anyone is be there. Send that text, make that call, or sit silently with them. When the days grow heavy and the nights stretch long, it’s not grand gestures that linger in our hearts but the simple act of showing up. So, whatever you do, don’t disappear.
Supporting someone through cancer isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being pit'snt. Start with a tiny gesture today. You might be surprised at how much of a difference it makes.
Remember, what matters most isn’t what you say or do — it is the love and care you bring into their lives.
